Photo: LK Griffin Photography
It’s finally here, your happiest occasion ever. You are full steam ahead planning your wedding, and most likely you’re expecting everything to go smoothly and work out easily. Many brides-to-be are not prepared for how daunting an undertaking it can actually be to deal with all the moving parts that go into planning a wedding together, and might be unaware of the obstacles that can and do often pop up and cast a shadow on the experience. With that in mind, here are the top wedding planning and marriage myths that are important to debunk early on, so that you and your soon-to-be spouse are not thrown off course when things don’t go as expected, and instead are ready to handle any issues head on and continue planning your wedding and future lives together.
1. Your fiancé won’t have any opinions about the day.
He may get stuck on the strangest details in an effort to feel in control or manage his own emotionality. This is a common one because many brides-to-be expect their beloved to go along with most of their preferences including the time of the wedding, the band or music, the clothes, the color of the flowers, and more, because even though you are obviously in it together it can almost begin to feel like the bride’s big occasion. So when your fiancé gets stuck on one of the details that might even seem small and insignificant to you — suddenly he cares about the color of his tie and won’t budge — it can surprise you and throw you off balance. Rather than getting into a power struggle and pitting your choice against his, keep in mind that this is a special day for both of you, and therefore it is important for him to have his input as well so that he can leave his mark on your wedding day. Give him the space and the room to choose what he likes, too. There are plenty of details to go around for both of you.
2. You will be so thrilled to be getting married that you won’t have any doubts about taking this next step.
Even from the get-go, wedding planning can be a scary and frustrating experience filled with doubt that you are making the right choice. All relationships are peppered with insecurities, and they especially tend to pop up during times of stress. Planning such an important day and dealing with family can cause great unrest and tension, leading to unexpected questions. Many brides think there should be none of that since they have already said yes, and might begin to wonder if that wasn’t the right answer to the proposal. The truth is that ambivalence, doubt, and uncertainty are a natural part of every relationship. When you’re making such a big decision that is supposed to carry you through a lifetime, it is normal to wonder if you are doing the right thing. It doesn’t mean you are making a mistake and that you should call it off. It means quite the opposite, in fact — that you can trust your feelings and choices, work through the doubt, take stock of why you fell in love in the first place, and once again feel good about your decision.
3. Everyone around you will be happy and supportive.
People will react to your news through their own filters, in a plethora of ways — good and bad — that have nothing to do with you. Most brides think this will be the best time ever, and everyone will rally around and support them. The truth is that weddings have a funny way of triggering feelings in other people which might be directly connected to you (you won’t have as much time for them as you once did) or that have nothing to do with you (they are jealous, envious, or disappointed). From siblings to bridesmaids to parents, everyone brings their own emotion to that head wedding table. Rather than getting caught up in the specifics of what is bothering that other person, be sensitive to what your wedding might mean to them and what they are going through, and try not to take it personally. Empathize with them, and leave as much room as you can to accommodate their feelings without letting it get in the way of your special day.
Dr. Jane Greer is a New York-based relationship expert, radio host, and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship