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Your engagement ring will stick close by your side for the rest of your life, just like your fiancé will. So what happens if after they pop the question and slide the ring on your finger, you don’t like the shape, the size, or the band that the diamond is sitting in? Is it okay to say something? Is it okay to take it back to the jeweler and see if they can start from scratch and design the ring of your dreams? In the end, your engagement ring should be something you’re proud to show off to the world and something that you’ll have to look at every single day. If it’s not triggering an automatic smile, here are four things you can do to fix that — without offending your fiancé.
1. Point Out the Things You Love About It
Start off by having a conversation with your fiancé. Know that they spent a lot of time trying to pick out the perfect ring, and if they didn’t get it exactly right that’s okay. Let them know what you love about it. Maybe it’s the cut or the setting. Then ask if you two can go together and change one or two things about it that you don’t love. Make it something you do together so that nobody feels left out or offended by the change.
2. Don’t Rush Into a Decision
If it isn’t love at first sight, give it a couple of days. Wear the ring around and see if it grows on you. It may not be perfect, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be something you grow to fall madly in love with. First impressions, even with rings, can be tricky and misleading. Before making a huge stink over it, give it a week or two.
3. Find Out Why
In a nice way, ask him why he picked this ring. Perhaps there’s a story behind it or it’s similar to the one his mom or grandma wears. Maybe when he saw it, it made him feel a certain way. Sometimes that story will be powerful enough to understand his reasoning and a ring with a story is better than a perfect ring anyway.
4. Just Be Honest
If after a few weeks, you can’t stand to wear it and it makes you feel really awful, be honest with your fiancé. Let him know that it’s not your style and have specific reasons why. Ask if you can go pick out another ring or make a few changes to it together. Know that this is common and in the end, it can be worked through. Consider it your first marital challenge and find a way to move through it without making anyone feel bad or upset.
Jen Glantz is a “Professional Bridesmaid” and the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire. She’s the author of All My Friends Are Engaged and frequently wears old bridesmaid dresses to the grocery store and on first dates.